sunflowermoon: (Default)
( Oct. 29th, 2021 06:13 pm)
I swear once the cold weather hit, I got fucked up. I feel like I'm in despair. It isn't every moment of every day, but it is every day. It's been like this for years. I will be hit with feelings of wanting to die. I have such a good life though. Like, yes, I am poor, but I do have a good life. I have a man who loves me and I love him. I live with my best friend and her cats. I have a brother whom I love dearly. But none of this matters in the moment when I'm feeling like I want to die. I just wish I knew how to be happy when I have every reason to be happy.
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This has got to be a glitch in the matrix or something. I don't know of any reasonable explanation for this occurrence. I was coming up the stairs to the hallway and saw the back side of my boyfriend in the bathroom while he was brushing his teeth. I looked over to the bedroom doorway because the door was open and I was headed there, and there I spotted my boyfriend walking from behind the door toward the other side of the room, so I assumed that I saw someone else in the bathroom. And then he poked his head out from the bathroom to say hi, and I did a double take! I ran into the bedroom freaked out, looking for who I saw, but he looked exactly like babe! Babe has a very unique look. It couldn't have been anyone but him. But he simply was not in the room, he was in the bathroom the whole time! Perhaps I lost a bit of time on my way from the stairs to the bedroom, because that has happened before, but I usually enter autopilot when I lose that time. I can drive, walk, do whatever when I'm not aware. I'm not diagnosed, but I think it's called DID. But it just doesn't make any sense. How was I aware of my transit from the stairs to the bedroom without seeing him go from the bedroom to the bathroom? What if it was something else?
Why have I been sleeping on text-based chat rooms?? I've played Second Life for 10 years, had Yahoo and MSN messengers, but never did IRC. I just logged off of IRCNet, and I had a really fun conversation with two other people.

Also completely unrelated, but does anyone remember Google Buzz? I miss that! That was the only social network I could have without my dad knowing about it. It was awesome, I had blips on my feed from all of my favorite people. I was really bummed when they discontinued it.

I know it seems silly to look back with rose colored glasses at that period of the internet, but my laptop hates all these new websites. It can barely handle Pinterest and Facebook. But you know which websites load faster? Dreamwidth, SpaceHey, and other sites like them. That, and the interfaces aren't a sterile boring set of different shades of white. I about had a fit when the last bastion of the Golden Age, MyYearbook, gave way to MeetMe and removed all the features that kept me loyal to MyYearbook.
I miss the old web (and by old, I mean I'm 27 years old, the internet I knew and loved was at the tailend of the 00s). Between SpaceHey and Dreamwidth, I might actually have a good time on the internet again outside the confines of Reddit. I'm feeling so nostalgic right now. :)
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